


The Price of Mistakes

by junko



Series: Scatter and Howl [40]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Blow Jobs, Dubiously Consensual Blow Jobs, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Original Characters - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-29
Updated: 2015-11-29
Packaged: 2018-05-04 01:02:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5314151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junko/pseuds/junko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Byakuya can't snuggle very long, and so Renji wakes up when Byakuya leaves his arms.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Price of Mistakes

**Author's Note:**

> Milage may vary on the warning, but there's definitely some the old Byakuya surfacing in the sex scene. This is not one that I would suggest reading just for the sex, if only because Renji's state of mind probably won't make much sense.

Renji fell asleep holding Byakuya. He didn’t expect Byakuya to last long, all cramped up like that, so it didn’t surprise Renji to feel Byakuya shifting out of his arms after only a few minutes. 

Since Byakuya seemed to be going to great effort to be quiet, Renji pretended to be asleep. He rolled over, figuring Byakuya would settle in a minute. 

Only he didn’t.

Renji lay there, eyes shut, feeling the mattress shift as Byakuya moved… where was he going? Cracking an eye open a sliver, Renji watched Byakuya on all fours, leaning off the edge of their bed to… drink down all the cocoa. 

It must be stone cold by now, but Byakuya drank not only his portion, but Renji’s, too. Then, he stuffed the delicate looking tea cakes into his mouth and ate all six in one bite. 

Renji lay there trying to decide if he should say something or act like he never saw any of it. When he heard Byakuya shuffling through the cocoa things looking for anything more, he couldn’t take it. He’d been in that place too many times himself. Quietly, so as not to startle Byakuya, Renji said, “If you want to order a full meal, you know I’m up for it.”

At the sound of Renji’s voice, Byakuya froze. He seemed to hang there for a moment, guiltily, but then he sat his butt down dejectedly. “Does it end, Renji? Will I ever feel full again?”

Renji considered this seriously. The truth was, he had no idea. Had it ever really ended for him? Sure, there were days Renji wasn’t consciously aware of being hungry, but, at the same time, if food was offered, even now, he would eat it like he might never see it again. He’d stopped hoarding… mostly. He still found the occasional little bit of bread from the lunch line or extra party treat stuffed into his hakama pocket that he didn’t even remember taking.

But, those were lifetime habits Renji was trying to break. Byakuya didn’t grow up starving. 

Byakuya was some kind of new soul, born inside the walls of the Seireitei, and Renji remembered how slow Byakuya was to take on food after being stabbed by Gin--the exact opposite of how Renji recovered from injury. But, maybe that had been a symptom of the poison, and not a sign that they were two totally different kinds of souls.

“I don’t know,” Renji admitted. “But, I assume it will. Eventually. Once you’re healed. If you’re worried, I could talk to the Fourth, have Captain Unohana check in.”

“No, I don’t think that’s necessary. Not yet, anyway.” Byakuya sat on the edge of the bed, looking at the demolished cocoa tray, but otherwise sounding composed and cool again. “It’s a good thing that I’m not expected in public. I would embarrass myself.”

Renji didn’t understand what was so embarrassing about eating when you were hungry, so he didn’t comment. “Order us up something savory, would you? I could kill for a big, sloppy bowl of katsudon.”

“Oh my gods, yes,” Byakuya said, half-stumbling in his hurry to pull the bell to summon a servant. 

Aio must have been nearby, because Renji only had time to cover himself up before the cocoa tray was being taken away and the order for food placed. When the door slid shut, Byakuya settled under the covers in his usual spot. When he started to arrange the covers around him, he came across the wet spot Renji had left. Byakuya froze again.

This time, he seemed to suddenly stop breathing. 

Renji jumped into action. “Oh shit, sorry about that! Here, let me clean that up,” his mouth moved as quickly as his hands. Byakuya didn’t move at all, even as Renji yanked the blanket out from under his hand. Renji just kept talking as he quickly removed anything stained. “I can’t believe we fell asleep without taking care of the sheets. Jeez, that’s awfully gross. Sorry about that.”

All the while Renji stripped the bed, he watched Byakuya for signs of life. 

Renji, meanwhile, seemed to be having all the reactions. His heart pounded as his mind raced with Byakuya’s story about how the guy who attacked him--what was the phrase Byakuya had used?--’spent himself’ while he died. Cripes was all jizz going to be some kind of trigger now? 

Renji took the soiled blankets to the changing room, effectively running away. 

He rummaged through the drawers until he found spare, clean ones. The whole time, all he could think was: _fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuck._

When he noticed his hands were shaking, Renji stopped. Why was he the one freaking out? After all, he didn’t know for sure what was going on in Byakuya’s head. Maybe he was totally deep in some post-traumatic thing, or perhaps he was just having a fussy cleanliness moment.

Could be, right?

Though, to be fair to Byakuya, he never insisted on cleanliness. Usually, it was Renji who automatically started freshening things up. Renji always assumed Byakuya wanted things neat and orderly, but Byakuya had never said one way or the other the whole time they’d been together. He’d never even made a face, except to tease, when Renji was sweaty or covered in practice yard dust. 

Having found replacement linens, Renji slowly made his way back to the main bedroom part of the suite. He cautiously stuck his head around the doorway. 

Byakuya still hadn’t moved. He continued to stare at the place where the offending stain had been, like maybe it was still there, even though Renji had checked and double-checked.

“You… okay?” Renji finally had to ask.

Byakuya blinked and took in a big gulp of air. “I… no, not really.”

Right, okay. Well, that was honest. 

Renji stood naked at the doorway, clutching the sheets, trying to think what he should do with that information. Should he offer to go home, leave? Should he offer comfort? “I… have fresh blankets. Uh, do you want them? Or… I could leave them here?” 

Of course, his clothes were in a pile by the foot of the bed, but Renji could grab his tattered flowered robe from the dressing room. Which, maybe he should go and fetch, anyway? 

“I might be a little unsteady at the moment, Renji; I’m not made of glass.”

Renji nodded, not saying: It’s not actually you that I’m worried is going to get broken. But, before he could say anything out loud one way or the other, Aio announced herself at the door. 

Seizing the opportunity, Renji dashed back to the dressing room for his robe. He’d shouldered it on and had it tied by the time she passed him by. She paused at the door when she saw the fresh blankets on the floor where Renji dropped them, but she didn’t comment when he appeared by her side and scooped them up. 

Aio moved to set up the tray on the bed, but Byakuya waved her off. “The sitting room would be fine. Are the embers warm?” 

She looked at little taken aback, but quickly bowed her head. “They will be, my lord.”

“Then let us make the bed, Renji, and give Aio time to set up.”

Renji watched Aio turn around with a weird amount of trepidation. Why was he so agitated? He chided his racing heart and sweating palms--after all, all Byakuya said was that he was ‘not okay,’ and a little… what? ‘unsteady.’ He didn’t say Renji was in any kind of trouble. Fuck, get a grip, man.

As Byakuya got out of bed, Renji shook out the blankets. 

Besides, it was Byakuya who was traumatized. He was the one potentially having the flashbacks or the PTS.

Renji smoothed out the sheets. Byakuya took one end and, together, they stretched it out over the bed. Renji kept trying to think of something to supportive to say, but the only thing that kept coming up was, “I’m sorry.”

Byakuya glanced up. “For what?”

_Everything? Being sexual our first night together? Coming on the sheets? Being big? Being a dude? That this happened to you? That this whole situation feels like a field of emotional landmines and I’m utterly terrified?_ “Uh, I don’t know. I’m just… sorry.”

With a nod, Byakuya went back to tucking in sheets. 

Renji figured that was an awkward end to things, so he went back to his own work. He nearly jumped out of his skin a few moments later when Byakuya said, “The man who attacked me was a redhead. Not like you; no one has hair like you.”

Fuck, of course. He was probably six foot two, too. 

Renji's stomach dropped, thinking about that time, demon-possessed, he'd forced himself on Byakuya--sort of? Maybe entirely? Renji still wasn’t clear what happened that night or how he’d woken up bloody and sore. It hardly mattered, given how he and Zabimaru paid and paid and paid for that night. Fuck, sometimes he thought he would never stop paying for that one fucked up night.

Now this guy had to go and fucking be born with similar color hair--no, _re-born_ , because for fuck sure that shit-ass rapist was from the Rukongai.

Byakuya took a breath, his hands smoothing the already perfectly smooth blankets. He glanced up and caught Renji’s eye. “I don’t want it between us, Renji.” Byakuya’s voice was pure steel. “I don’t. I won’t let it happen. But…” something faltered and all of Byakuya’s strength seemed to crumble, and he gasped, “How do I make it go away?”

It was such a little boy question, like the one about being hungry, and it was breaking Renji’s heart, because the answer was the same. “I don’t know.” But, then with a little smile, Renji added, “If you were anyone else, I’d tell you: lots of hugs and cuddles.”

Byakuya’s expression softened. “If that’s the only remedy, then I shall have to suffer through.”

With that, the thing that had been coiling Renji’s stomach into knots, relaxed. He smiled. “You think Aio’s done? I’m starving.”

Renji would have raced Byakuya to the sitting room, but he was still shaking off his strange bout of anxiety. Instead, he detoured off to the changing room and pulled out a few more blankets for them to sit on and snuggle under. Aio had set the tray on a low table beside the firepit. The embers let off a warm glow. Above them, the roof panel had been propped up slightly to let the smoke out. Renji could see flakes of snow flash in the night sky.

Byakuya was already devouring his bowl of rice and curried pork. Renji came up behind him and gently put the blanket around Byakuya’s shoulders. Leaning even further down, Renji put a light kiss on the top of Byakuya’s head. His hair still smelled a tiny bit off, like industrial lye soap more than jasmine. But, the rest of Byakuya’s scent was there, and so Renji rubbed his nose in it a little before going over to his side of the little table.

Muttering a little blessing, Renji picked up his chopsticks and dug in, thinking about how he never knew the words to say over food until he met Rukia. No one had taught him before, and when food was found, it was instantly fought over--or eaten quickly, in secret.

Byakuya slowed, now that Renji sat facing him. 

Renji frowned at his change in pace. “I don’t know where you get that, Taicho--this weird being all shy thing about eating fast. Ain’t you ever seen how Lady Yoruichi can put food away?”

“She is a demon cat,” Byakuya said, though with a trace of fond humor in his voice. “Hardly a role model of proper noble behavior.”

“Heh, good point,” Renji said, picking up his bowl to dig in. “Probably why I like her.”

Byakuya glanced up briefly from his bowl, “Yoruichi used to carry a zanpakutō--at least, she carried something once, did you know?”

“Uh, no,” Renji admitted. “But, honestly? I’ve never seen her fight.”

“Mm, that’s a shame,” Byakuya acknowledged. “She’s legendary.” He seemed to think back on something a moment, and then added, “...a horrible instructor, but probably a national treasure.”

“Lady Yoruichi was your teacher?” Cripes! No wonder Renji could never surpass these people around him, they all had these mystically awesome instructors. Ikkaku was a great sempai, but it wasn’t like he had a secret underground training ground or an army of ninja spies to command!

“Ostensibly,” Byakuya said with a little shrug. “Mostly, our one-on-one consisted of her making me angry enough to chase her. Otherwise, she left me to her ninja.”

Still, not too shabby. Renji would’ve killed for a little ninja training! No wonder Byakuya’s big move had always been a blur before. Hell, it was a wonder Renji could see him even after bankai, given that Byakuya was taught to move by the Flash Master herself!

“Where do you suppose it is--her zanpakutō?”” Byakuya asked. “Do you suppose she ‘swallowed it’ for some reason?”

Renji wasn’t tracking. His brain was still swirling around how deeply unfair it was that he didn’t get some cool training in a Zen forest with a mystical master, Ikkaku was cool and everything but, damn…. “Huh? Did you just say she ‘swallowed’ her zanpakutō?”

“That’s what Ten said,” Byakuya said. “He’s a yokai, too. I wonder if they have some special ability.”

Renji blinked. Did he miss a whole other conversation? “Who’s Ten?”

“My former cellmate,” Byakuya said, going back to his rice. “He was a yokai who, according to the insane warden, ‘swallowed his own tail.’ He was allowed as many meals as I was, and it has ocurred to me since that perhaps that was because, like me, he had not been separated from his zanpakutō.”

The wind howled around the skylight. Renji shivered, despite the warmth of the embers in the firepit beside them.

“Ten obviously absorbed his zanpakutō to keep it from being taken from him, but, presuming she’s done the same, why would Yoruichi do it? Or is it that to have access to her yokai shifting ability, she had to do it? Perhaps her cat form is the result of calling shikai when the zanpakutō is absorbed?”

Renji pulled his hair from his forehead and considered the questions, but he had no idea where to even start thinking about all this. “You could ask her.”

“She’s still an outlaw, Renji.”

“Yeah, which makes no sense,” Renji pointed out. “Ain’t like she and Urahara are traitors, not really, given that they helped with Aizen and everything. Shouldn’t they get a pardon now?”

Byakuya lifted a narrow shoulder. “I don’t know. I don’t know how guilty they were of the crimes they were accused of. Tessai used forbidden kidō, his guilt is certain, and I’m afraid that it’s not beyond Urahara’s character to experiment on living souls. ”

Renji had to agree with that one unfortunately. 

But the stuff about Tessai bugged him, because he’d heard a rumor that the Head Captain had used forbidden kidō during the battle for Fake Karakura Town and no one was putting up a stink about that. 

Renji started to open his mouth, but then he shut it. What was the point? It was obvious that the rules only applied to some. After all, look at them, having to serve out for fraternization… it wasn’t like everyone didn’t know for a fact that the exact same thing was going down at the 3rd and probably a dozen more places. 

But, none of the rest of them had been busted publically, and anyway, it wasn’t like Renji wished Kira and Captain Ōtoribashi any harm.

The only ironic thing was that Hisagi and Captain Muguruma were probably hard at it, too.

Ah well, it was some people’s luck, wasn’t it? 

Fate.

That’s what he got for having a demon of misfortune as part of his soul, his zanpakutō. 

Renji watched Byakuya finish up his sake. 

The firelight flickered along the hard angles of his regal face. The prison haircut was ragged along the edges, but it didn’t diminish the way the inky blackness of his silken locks seemed to swallow all light. Byakuya’s eyes were downcast, lost in thought, and his dark, thick eyelashes were almost feminine in their beauty.

Yet, when Byakuya felt Renji’s attention and glanced up, Renji was pinioned by the hardness of those steel gray eyes--so sharp, so… ruthless and cold.

_Peerless_ , Renji breathed.

_I’ll never not chase after you_ , he thought.

Byakuya’s expression turned knowing and his lip curled in a slight smile. “You look like you’re still hungry, Renji.”

“For you? Yeah, always, but… “ Renji didn’t know how to say that maybe they shouldn’t, since the whole thing with the sheets and finding out the evil guy was a redhead and… but then Byakuya moved the little low table aside and made a ‘come here’ gesture.

With a wolfish smile, Renji crawled forward on all fours. He was kind of expecting a kiss or two, maybe, but Byakuya’s hand was on his neck directing him downward right away. Well, they were talking about being ‘hungry,’ after all, and it was pretty clear, sitting seiza like he was, with that sharp outline under the silk, what exactly it was that Byakuya wanted.

Renji kind of wanted to shift aside the yukata with his hands to get better access, but Byakuya pressed him down so fast and in a way that made it awkward to even try to do more than let his face be directed into Byakuya’s lap. Even as he made a game of finding the shape of Byakuya’s arousal under the silk with his mouth, Renji was thinking, ‘this is going to stain.’ He was mouthing as much of his own hair as he was the silk, too. 

But, Byakuya’s hand stayed, resting on the back of Renji’s neck and head. Not as pushy now, but plenty firm.

Renji shut his eyes and continued to suck and lick at the stiff, hard form under the silk. Byakuya was funny about how much flesh he showed off, anyway, and so what if it felt like half of Renji’s hair was stuck in his mouth, tickling the back of his throat in a weird way? Wasn’t this probably what Byakuya needed? To be in control, to reassert his dominance or whatever?

Besides, Byakuya was clearly enjoying the attention…he wasn’t making any noise, of course, but Renji could sense how his breathing had grown shallower or more rapid. His cock was hot now, too, and Renji could taste precum mingling with the wet his mouth had left behind. 

Apparently, the vision of Renji in this position was working for Byakuya, too--since Byakuya’s free hand snaked up to tug at Renji’s yukata, pulling the fabric down, until his ass was bare to the cold air.

Renji’s gut tightened with a nostalgic sort of humiliation, which was weird, because it wasn’t like he didn’t know how much Byakuya loved him. But something about this felt like the old days, when Byakuya would make silent demands and Renji’s ass would be in air and his pride in the gutter.

Damn if his own dog of a cock didn’t stand up straight and wag like a fucking tail. Despite the niggling sensation of being used, Renji’s body flushed, his nipples stiffened under his robe, and his cock sprung almost painfully hard. 

The silk between them was starting to frustrate Renji. He either wanted a real mouthful of Byakuya, a decent taste, or have him fill up his ass, and get a good, hard fucking out of the deal. But he could hardly lift his mouth to speak with Byakuya’s grip on his neck, so he expressed his desire with moans, rocking his hips, and sucking and nipping at Byakuya’s silk-shrouded cock with doubled enthusiasm.

Byakuya gasped. “You really are just like an animal.”

Animal. 

The words sent another stab of shame deep inside Renji, only this time it tightened his balls, and he came. 

Renji felt a little sick as his body betrayed him on this fundamental level, gushing hot ropes in apparent pleasure at the insult that had haunted--might as well say ‘dogged’--him his whole life. 

Worse, Byakuya noticed his reaction and had the same one. Suddenly, the silk in Renji’s mouth flooded with a shuddering, moaning heat. The moan made Renji’s eyes open, hoping for a glimpse of Byakuya’s face at the moment of ecstasy, but if anything, the grip on his neck tightened and all he saw was silk darkened with cum and his own slobber. 

His nose filled with the sharp scent of Byakuya, at least. A strange comfort to this otherwise unappetizing experience. As soon as Byakuya’s grip loosened, Renji wiped the spit from his face and the hair from his mouth. Tugging the yukata down to cover his ass, he didn’t look at Byakuya. Instead, he stood up and gruffly announced, “I’m going to shower.”

“Shower?” Byakuya sounded a little wary. 

Too late Renji remembered that the whole assault thing had taken place in the prison shower. He cursed himself, but, at the moment, he just needed out for his own damn reasons. The room felt too… too much like before. “Uh, yeah, at the sento. Look, you can take a bath or something here and catch up with me later.”

The last words he heard as he retreated out the door were, “Later? Renji are you running away?”

Yeah, he was. He kind of was. So, he stopped himself and turned around. He padded the few steps back to the open door. Taking a breath, he stuck his head through and forced himself to look at Byakuya. Byakuya was still sitting seiza beside the firepit looking confused and probably a little hurt. 

Maybe this hadn’t been all that weird to Byakuya--maybe he’d meant the animal thing as a compliment? He did always seem to value Renji’s wild side, when he wasn’t trying to collar it or restrain it. For sure, Zabimaru would be pissed off to know Renji thought of being called an animal an insult, being a combination of several, themselves. Renji should probably just let it go, relax about it. At least this time hadn’t been about class--well, not explicitly. Anyway, Renji’d been thinking he’d have to pay for this other redhead’s mistakes, and if this it, well, it wasn’t so bad.

Renji pulled up what he hoped was a relaxed smile from somewhere. “Hey,” he said, “Don’t worry. I’m coming back. I said I’d hold you forever, didn’t I? I ain’t going back on that.”

A ghost of a smile flickered across Byakuya’s face. But, then he dropped his gaze and seemed to be working up to something. Even though Renji still wanted to just forget this whole mess under the hot spray of a shower, curiosity had him waiting to see what Byakuya might say.

When Byakuya glanced up, Renji held his breath. 

“I’m sorry,” Byakuya said. “This is exactly what I didn't want to come between us. I’m truly sorry, Renji. I… held you down again. I knew I was doing it, and yet I couldn’t quite stop myself. I have no practice holding back... my demon. The only things that can turn my demon aside are your safe words and… you couldn’t use them, could you? I made sure of that.”

Renji stepped out from behind the doorway now and admitted, “I never even thought of them.”

Byakuya seemed a little startled. “You didn’t?” A sudden blush flushed his face. “Am I apologizing… out of turn?”

“No, it’s the right thing to say,” Renji said quietly. “I sensed it, your demon, as you call it. It was there. I just…. Huh. I guess I forgot I have the power to stop it.”

“If you can speak,” Byakuya said, his eyes sliding away.

“Eh, don’t be so full of yourself,” Renji blustered good naturedly. “I’ve got bankai. You don’t think I could have pushed back if I really wanted? Humph, shows what you know. I brought you to your knees once, and don’t you forget it.”

Byakuya looked a little uncertain, though he was clearly amused by Renji’s bravado. He might have said something in return, except Aunt Masama’s voice cut through the air from across the hall: “Dear gods, please tell me that’s a metaphor.”


End file.
